It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to

2 weeks have passed and I put writing on the back burner. It has been so crazy busy that I haven’t felt the urge to write. I am not sure if that is good or bad. I don’t want this to ever feel like a chore and so I write when I really feel the need to. I don’t want to post sad depressing posts one after the other and sound like a broken record annoying readers but sometimes I just can’t help it. I then realize that although I write to entertain and educate others on scoliosis, this is my journey and mine alone and if writing shitty depressing posts helps me, then so be it.

Up until this past weekend, I haven’t been focused on my pending surgery. Since my ballet school performs this coming weekend, I have been busy getting all of the odds and ends together. Last minute sewing, programs, and rehearsals have taken up my time. Although the show itself turns me into a huge ball of stress, it has been nice to forget about surgery for a couple weeks and just focus on the performance. I feel like I have done a pretty good job of keeping it together but my stress acne proves a different story. When will that stop happening? I don’t ever remember my parents having huge zits and acne when I was a kid. I always thought once I became a women that would end. I guess not.

My birthday was last Thursday. Neil got me a long hand grabby thing (I’m sorry the name is escaping me right now) an elevated toilet seat with handles and a few other things a normal 33 year old shouldn’t need. My new Sleep Number flex top king mattress also came! I need a whole other post just about my new awesome bed! It’s going to make my life so much better after surgery! Stay tuned! I also got an ice cream maker and we have already made mint chip and strawberry. Neil also thought it would be nice to invite friends and family over for a birthday BBQ this past weekend since the next year will be so challenging. It was a nice gesture. We grilled up hamburgers and hotdogs and of course my jalepeño poppers wrapped in bacon. I love food and any excuse to cook a crap load of it, was fine with me. We have leftovers for a week!

Friday was an unexpectedly amazing day. Will had his 6 month check up with his orthopedic surgeon. I also forgot to mention earlier in the week he broke his foot and kicked and screamed through X-rays making my life really suck that day. We left the office with a special boot in Darth Vader colors and it has been extremely difficult to make him keep it on even with bribes. Anywho….back to Friday. We usually see his Doctor every 3 months. This was the longest we have gone between visits. As I have explained in a previous post, Will was born with a few medical issues. He had polydactyl in his right foot which he had surgery for when he was 7 months old at Stanford and also found that he had a condition called fibrous dysplasia in his left leg. His leg was developed deformed in utero causing severe bowing in his fibula and instead of the bone being strong and white, it curves and is weak. When we first found out about this problem, the Doctor said he would eventually need surgery to enforce the bone to keep it from bending and breaking. We were told no contact sports, possibly no running sports and no trampolines ever. Once he would have this surgery, he would need one every couple years as he would grow. So with every appointment we go to, we wonder if it’s the appointment that the Doctor green lights the first surgery. Will had new X-rays taken and this is where the good news comes in.  His X-rays show improvement! Obviously he still has this condition and we will still need to keep our eyes on it, but the Doctor was amazed at the way his tibia has helped keep the fibula from bowing worse. And best of all, he doesn’t need surgery until he is probably 9 or 10 years old as long as the X-rays continue to show these results! Sure, eventually something will still need to be done, but not anytime soon! We don’t have to come in for a follow up for a year! This is the best news we could have asked for! I literally cried as soon as the Doctor left the room. On cloud 9 as we left the building, Neil drops his iPhone on the ground and shattered his screen. 2 hours and $100 bucks later his phone is fixed. The Universe didn’t want us up on cloud 9 for too long I guess.

While Neil was working, I took the kids to Café Art to paint pottery. I am having them paint 6×6 white tiles and plan on dedicating a wall to all of them like Yolanda Hadid has on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Yes, I am a lover of reality T.V. We followed our painting trip up with ice cream cones and made our way home to watch the Sharks in their first ever Stanley Cup and watch the Warriors win game 7.

Last night was the first time I have thought about my surgery for longer than a few minutes for 2 weeks. Pre Op is next week and I am working on a list of questions to ask my Doctor. I had a mini meltdown last night talking to Neil. Sometimes I just don’t feel like I am ready for this and I don’t want to do it. Then, I think about Neil having to sit there for 12 hours while I am in surgery and I can’t help but cry. When Will had surgery on his foot, it was the longest 2 hours of my life.  I can’t even imagine how Neil is going to feel sitting there for 12 hours waiting for the Doctor to come out. I  think about the kids and Nicky wondering where the hell I am for a week or more while I am in the hospital. I can tolerate the pain and I will push through this but thinking about my husband and kids are what make me cry the most.

Second day of Summer and the kids are already driving me up a wall. I am currently listening to fighting over video game characters. Why does it have to be 105 outside? Deep breaths, April, you got this.




2 thoughts on “It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to

  1. I did wonder how long you would last, Neil’s job is Dad. First and last. He must focus primarily on that.
    We cope, no matter what the battle, as far as the kids are concerned Dad is..taking them —, doing —- with them. I took myself to hospital leaving my OH feeding at midnight. Gave him instructions, I was septicaemic. Priority was kids.
    You won’t be needing the aids for long, it’s hard to explain, you feel restricted for a while but you adapt.
    You are a strong capable woman and clearly used to understanding your capabilities. Trust me, you’ll astonish yourself!

    I haven’t blogged for a while either. I had my lumbar puncture and am awaiting diagnosis. Don’t feel much like sharing yet.


  2. I keep you, your husband and children in my prayers April. May the Lord’s peace give you strength and comfort for the long day ahead of you. But for now peaceful slumber . Please Lord cradle April in Your Father’s arms and lead her into rest.


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