TGIF, right? Wrong. My day is off to a lousy start. Do any of you have days where you just feel off? Well, today is one of those days for me.
Last night, I had a reeeeeally hard time sleeping. I have those nights most of the time but last night I was in so much pain, that is was nearly impossible to get into a comfortable position, much less sleep for any amount of time. The last couple weeks, my hands and feet have been going numb here and there. Although this has happened before, it has never gone on for long extended periods of time. I have noticed for 3 days straight that 3 of my 5 fingers on each hand are completely numb as well as my left foot. My nerve pain in my left leg has also gotten worse. It literally feels like I am being stabbed with needles down my entire leg ALL DAMN DAY LONG! I can’t take it anymore. I should have taken the nerve medicine they gave me 2 months ago, but stupid me doesn’t like taking medicine daily. Who knows if it would have worked anyway. I also have a tendency to think too much while laying in bed. Thinking about costumes and if I picked the right size backdrop. The list goes on and on. I can’t shut my brain off. Last night I sang the Peppa Pig theme song in my head for 2 hours while listening to Neil snore.
Nicky woke up 10 times crying. Molars? I really hope that’s all it is. We just got over 2 weeks of sickness and I will go crazy if anyone gets sick right now. Both boys were up at 5:56 am. One with a dump in his pants and one screaming for a snack.
The girls made it to school 2 minutes before the bell rang. Success! Next up, Target trip. Of course there are 0 carts available outside and of course Will isn’t wearing any shoes. With Nicky on my left hip and Will on my right, I storm through the parking lot and into Target to a cart. I’ll pay for that dumb move later. Shit, I forgot the cart cover. Since Will wasn’t wearing shoes, he had to go in the cart as well which caused a tantrum. Isle after isle, I piled groceries onto Will and made my way to checkout while Nicky was content eating his Starbucks mini lemon scone. As I was loading groceries onto the conveyer belt, I felt liquid dripping onto my foot. As I look up, Will stands up and begins to sing loudly to the tune of the Star Wars Darth Vader song…..”I peed my pants, I. Peed. My. Pants!” Nooooooooo! He never even mentioned he had to go and his light gray sweat pants now had wet stains in the front and the back and it was all over the floor! Come on, Man! Then, Nicky had eaten through his scone and was working on the target seatbelt that we all know is super clean, right?
Most of the time, I can handle this stuff with flying colors. Today, was not one of those days. I made it to the car, where I sobbed my eyes out. Being a mom of 4 is tough. Don’t get me wrong, I love being their mom and would be lost without them, but some days I am just not tough enough to handle the chronic pain I deal with and the craziness of a mom/business owner/wife’s life. I also think as this surgery creeps closer, I become more and more filled with anxiety. No matter how many times I tell myself I can do it, it just doesn’t seem to help.
Here’s to praying the rest of the day gets better. I’ll be spending it organizing costumes and cleaning the house. Fun.