There is so much to write about this week that I am breaking it up into two parts.  So please bare with me. I have too many pictures to shove into one post!

Friday before my shows, the kids and I went with friends to pick fruit. Staying busy the day before a show calms my nerves. It was 96 degrees by 10 am and we were already melting but somehow, that didn’t stop us.  The kids had so much fun picking apricots, cherries and peaches. Even little Nicky picked the cherries and put them in the bucket. After a couple of hours, and mud all over the inside of the van, we made our way to Mel’s for some cheeseburgers.

My ballet school’s performance was a success and went as smooth as it could have minus my fumbled speech! Dress rehearsal always borderlines on the verge of disaster, however, like all our performances, the end result is smooth sailing and beautifully done. This year I repeated a ballet I had done a few years back, Alice in Wonderland.  When I initially decided to have surgery, I was unsure as to when the scheduled date may be. I wanted to make my work life as easy and stress free as possible. Not that putting on this type of show is ever stress free, however, it was definitely easier to pull off. The costumes were beautiful, the students danced gracefully and even my little 3 and 4 year olds pulled their dances off perfectly! The only thing I wish was that I could see my own daughters dance from the audience instead of watching them from the wings. I also want to mention the amazing recovery card I received from my 5-6 year old class with a gift card to Olive Garden in it. We are definitely going to use that once I come home from surgery and Neil can run and grab us take out!

Keeping busy with work, I was able to take my mind off surgery briefly. Now that the school year has come to an end and my performances are over, I have no choice but to think about, talk about and organize this surgery. Pre-Op was Monday. The drive up was emotional. So many different thoughts race through my mind and as cool and calm as I sometimes portray to be, it destroys me inside. Am I going to be able to stay strong through this? Ugh I am trying.

My first appointment was with my Doctor. The Fellow always comes in beforehand and I wasn’t particularly thrilled with him. He actually scared me quite a bit about how I may lose liters and liters of blood. Being that I have already gone through a traumatic birth with Will and needed a huge blood transfusion, talk like this scared the crap out of me. Once he left, I started to break down as Neil tried to tell me that won’t be the case. My Doctor finally came in and calmed me down. I was able to ask all of my questions I wrote down ahead of time and was satisfied with most of the answers. I also learned that she will set up either a nurse or a physical therapist to come by our home once a week to check in on me. And as depressing as it sounds when you really think about it, we talked about when I will finally be able to hold Nicky. At 6 months, if someone who is standing right next to me, gives him to me, holding him close to my chest and he doesn’t try to wiggle around(yeah right), I can hold him in my arms standing for 2-3 minutes walking back and forth. Nothing more than that. This is probably one of the most emotional things I think about. It will be a long 6 months and 2-3 minutes isn’t nearly long enough, but i’ll take it. Once I hit a year of recovery, I can start to resume most activities but in moderation. It will take 2 years for me to really feel the difference and be completely healed.

My Doctor also reiterated to me that even if after a few months I am starting to feel pretty good, that doesn’t mean I am healed and can do anything. Lifting, bending, twisting, basically ANYTHING can jeopardize the fusion which could end in a much worse circumstance. This is sometimes hard for me to hear because I don’t like to rely on others to take care of me. The doctor made it clear that Neil and I can’t do this alone. AT ALL. We need to ask for help and those we ask need to step up. We will need child care, cooking, cleaning, car pools for kids to activities, help with me although Neil will primarily be doing that during his 12 weeks off work. It doesn’t end there though. I have even more anxiety thinking about when he goes back to work. I will still need to somehow get the kids to and from school without lifting Nick in and out of the car, put him down for a nap, get him out of the crib from his nap. Ultimately, I will still need someone to help me with Nick for 3 more months at least. Good grief. Buckle up everyone, this is going to be a shitty ride.

After my appointment with my doctor, we went up to Pre-Anesthesia. It was mostly paperwork and going over issues I have had with anesthesia in the past. They asked me three separate times if there was a possibility I could be pregnant. Don’t worry guys, it’s not possible. I have been fixed. They took 5 or 6 vials of blood and the tech caught Neil taking pictures. We then explained to her that I am documenting my journey and then talked a little bit about my blog.

Our third appointment was Pre-Registration. This lady was hilarious. It was her birthday and she told us she turned sexy-one. At one point, she got out her drivers license to compare it to mine. It was definitely entertaining. She also made sure I knew I can’t take Uber home from the hospital. Oh, or horseback! Maybe they see my chart and think, oh crap, this chick is really in for it, let’s make her feel better. Whatever the reason, I welcomed it.

The car ride home was quiet. I can tell Neil is a little panicky when I hear him taking slow deep breaths and he plays with my hair in the car.  I feel horrible that I am dragging him through this with me. However, at the same time, I think about how much he must really love me and if the rolls were reversed, I would do this for him in a heartbeat. As strong as our love is, I feel like this will make us even stronger. This will in the end, make our family stronger.

Tons of pictures today folks.