Since going public with this blog, I have met some pretty amazing and inspiring people who have given me some advice regarding surgery. I have also been able to share my story with hundreds of people many of whom have scoliosis and needed someone to talk to and have now decided to go get their spines checked out. Writing about my journey and talking to others has been like therapy for me. It has given me purpose and the feeling of freedom that I no longer have to hide or be ashamed of what I look like or what I go through. 99.9% of the comments and messages have been genuine, sincere and very supportive. Last night I encountered my first “Negative Nancy” and although I knew when I began posting openly about my disorder that everyone has opinions and they are free to say what they want, I was amazed as some of the comments that this one person who I have never met in my life, could say. I’m sorry, or should I say type behind a computer screen? I try not to read into it, but it makes me wonder……Was this blog a mistake? Below are two comments posted on MY profile on my Xray picture on Instagram:
“I think we’ve all had enough of people trying to raise awareness of their illnesses. Just deal with it with a bit of dignity like normal people do, instead of plastering it on social media”.
In return I wrote that if she didn’t like my profile, to move on and it’s sad she felt the need to go out of her way to come to my profile and put me down. I then got this response:
“I’m not putting you down. If you feel that way, you recognize that it’s too close to the truth for comfort. You’re not the only one with a chronic illness. I’ve spent far too much of my life in the ICU. People who try and justify boring the pants off everyone else say they’re helping others is simply not the case. You are desperate for a reason to talk about yourself and your illness. If you publicize it on social media you are open to comments. These are your issues and just that. I hope after your surgery you can just quit it and move on and focus on real important things”.
After I received this, I blocked her and deleted her comments off my post. However, it makes me wonder. Was writing this blog a bad idea? Does anyone really care to read what I write and do they really think I am doing this for some egotistical and vain reason? Listen, I wish I didn’t have anything to write about. I wish my back was straight and I wasn’t having this gigantic two part surgery. I would love to be blogging about much cooler things like The Met Gala and how much I loved Sarah Jessica Parker’s outfit. However, this is what I know and this unfortunately is my life. For 20 years I kept mum about my diagnosis and pain. Writing has been a coping mechanism for me and selfishly, I will continue to write because it does help. If I help others along the way, fantastic!
When my husband came home from work, I reluctantly told him and although he was supportive, he reminded me that I did make this public and I have put myself out there which opens me up to criticism from random people. For every one hundred people that love my blog and like my posts, there will be one negative nancy. Why even comment though? What does bashing someone else for speaking out accomplish? Not. A. Damn. Thing. Where is the middle finger emoji when you need one?
I am sure my blog is not for everyone. It isn’t meant to be. However, for those who are following my journey and supporting my writing, thank you. I am choosing to forget about this cyber confrontation, continue on and not let what one sad person writes about me make me upset. April 1, Negative Nancy 0.