This post is really just a mix of things that went on during last week. Monday, the surgery scheduler called and my Pre-OP was scheduled in June. It was definitely overwhelming once I hung up and realized that this is not very far off at all. I always thought I had more time and that this surgery was going to be a few more years down the road. I knew surgery was imminent, but it’s hard to grasp that it’s only a few short months away. I am aware of how crappy my spine looks; crappy is putting it mildly, I know. It’s just hard when I think about all the things that are going to change and what I won’t be able to do no matter how much I may want to. I was curled up in a ball watching a movie with my husband and kids and I just burst into tears. I won’t even be able to do that(curl up into a ball that is). Anything that involves the bending of my spine, I won’t be able to do. You take for granted these little things and now I catch myself really soaking them in knowing I only have 3 months left of doing it. Obviously when I weigh the pros and cons to surgery, this operation wins every time. Sometimes I wish it would just hurry up and get here so I can just get this next year of hell over with.
Since the kids had off school for Spring break, we took them to the Oakland Zoo. It was so cute to see Nicky pointing and talking to the baby baboons. Besides Disneyland, the zoo is probably the place we visit most frequently with the kids. You can spend a few hours walking at your own pace with no lines to stand in and every time you go, it’s a different experience. And of course we stopped by In and Out for some double-doubles.
The boys and I had a few play dates during the week. It has always been hard for me to socialize outside of my couple close friends. I think its a mix of how I grew up and just getting anxiety that those people I open up to won’t like me or will have certain opinions about me. This is something I have been trying to work on as well. And it definitely felt great to socialize with another mom even if it was just for a few hours. Will was smitten with his new friend and has asked repeatedly to go over to her house. He is already charming the ladies.
Friday, on my way home on the freeway, my tire pressure light came on and I could feel the car moving differently. I made it over to the tire shop to be told I ran over a damn razor blade and they don’t think they can repair it. After an hour waiting with all 4 kids, my husband was able to meet me there from work. Once he got there, they informed us we needed all 4 tires changed out. Bummer considering we are trying to save up for the months Neil will need to take off work and I pay a sub to teach. We switched cars and I went home with the kids. As I pull in, my husband calls to tell me some idiot hit our car while it was up on jacks and drove away! Are you kidding me? Luckily, the workers there saw it happen and had all of her information since she just had her tires done. The really odd part about it was her address was the same address as my husbands childhood home! Is this the Universe trying to tell us something? Here’s some more crap to add to an already crap filled plate.
Saturday couldn’t have come fast enough. I drove out to San Francisco by myself. It was fantastic. I had a hair appointment, got Starbucks and window shopped. It felt so good to breath in the fresh (for the most part) city air. Of course it was raining and I wasn’t wearing rain boots but that didn’t stop me. It’s a different atmosphere in SF than where I live. You fade into the crowd of people walking along the streets and no one cares what you look like or who you are. It feels very freeing. I was refreshed and recharged for the week back to work. Lucky for me and unfortunate for my husband, he was in charge of all 4 kids and since it was pouring rain outside they were jumping off the walls with cabin fever inside.
So today is Monday. It’s a brand new week. Does anyone ever feel like the movie Ground Hog’s Day? Like your day is the same over and over? I did have a surprise this morning that was definitely different from my usual day. I brought Nicky upstairs to change his morning dump and low and behold there was a blue candy wrapper stuck in one of his turds! I wanted to laugh but I instantly became anxiety ridden wondering how he managed to sneak away from me, eat a quarter size candy wrapper without choking, thank god, swallow it and poop it out! Only a Mom will probably think thats funny. Happy Monday!
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2 thoughts on “My Week in a Nutshell”
Its such an emotional ride pre surgery. Feeling so much support reading this. Before my surgery I had a really hard time emotionally as well and I amazed at your strength and grace. Its not easy. Best wishes to you, loving your writing!
Thank you so much Katie! I am really trying to stay strong but I have my moments!